Happy 1st Birthday Vanessa

Dear Vanessa,

Today you turn 1 year old. My how time has flown by. I can't believe it's already your birthday.

You are such a beautiful and strong willed little girl even at your age. But your simply beautiful.







When I was pregnant with you, I was so upset and angry. But I couldn't imagine my life without you. I feel so guilty for not embracing my pregnancy because you were my last.

You cry so much and I get so frustrated with it because nothing we do makes you happy. It takes a lot to make you smile and stop crying and it's always because you are constipated. Then I feel bad for being so upset, sometimes I can't help it and I'm thankful that your so sweet and loving that you always forgive me with a hug and a slobbery wet open mouth baby kiss. You don't know it or realize it, but those are the BEST kisses ever. One day when you have your own baby, you will understand what those kisses mean and how fabulous they are.







I am in so much awe of your beauty. From the day you decided to make your entrance to the world, (even before in a 3D ultrasound) you are a spitting image of your big sister. I am so excited to watch you grow older and see if you continue to look like her or if you take your own looks.

Speaking of the day you where born, you decided when it was time to come. And you made it know it was time and you were the boss! I was so excited to finally meet you. When I first heard you cry, I cried with you. You were simply stunning.






That picture was your debut picture to the world. And I was so excited to finally hold you. That was the first picture I took of you and I immediately shared it with Facebook. Everyone said you were beautiful and you had the chubbiest cheeks. I have to agree. I still like to eat your cheeks.

And then there's those perfect piggies.







I love me some baby feet!!

Your learning everyday. Your newest being sticking your tounge out while saying mama! Oh goodness, when you first said Mama I think my heart stopped beating for a moment. That is music to a mamas ears. You made daddy feel special when you said dada first. Both of his girls had that as their first word and it makes him feel great. You may not know it yet, but your daddy is AMAZING!!

Miss Vanessa, you bring joy and light to my life everyday! I'm so thankful to have you and I am so blessed to be your mama!

I love you baby girl! I can wait to see what the next year brings.

Happy 1st Birthday Vanessa Lynn!!







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Family can be your worst enemy

I'm a pretty caring person. I will be the first person to give you the shirt off my back. Even if you've burned me. I have been known to forgive and forget and sometimes a little too quickly.

But there comes a time when I have to draw the line and say I am SO GLAD you are just an in-law because if you where blood, I would be disgusted.

It's one thing to have beef with me or my boyfriend, but when you involve the children, now your just being a -----!! (insert your favorite naughty word). My children and your children have absolutely nothing to do with anything, but yet, you want to be a bitch and tell yours they are not allowed to see/visit us. Well now your just a fckn b!tch.

I hope you get every bit of dirty rotten karma that comes your way because you fckn deserve it. You are a horrible person and your immature and selfish ways has affected our WHOLE family because you think your hot sh!t.

Your nothing but a piss ant!

Oh, and if your reading this, I don't care what you have to say. Don't bother responding or calling me or contacting me in anyway because I could give 2 shits! Go ahead and shit talk me to everyone you know because that is all your good at anyway!



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Why I blog

I often get asked why I blog. Why would I put my feelings out there like this and let random people read about my life.

The answer is that for me, this is therapeutic. It's away for me to get out my feelings without having to dwell on them.

See, I suffer from a sever case of depression, anxiety/panic attacks, & post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I also have gone through mental and physical abuse as a child. That is where the PTSD comes in. I am not on meds and I was told by my doctor that I should speak with a psych but I have chosen not too. I probably should because it would help me work past my problems and be better, but I like just writing it all out.

I used to write daily a long time ago. First on LiveJournal & when I had myspace. In anger I deleted my myspace and I shouldn't have cause of all the raw emotion I had spill out.

I write because it's freeing and it gives me the chance to clear my head. I have a lot of ridiculous crap that happens in my life and this is my way of getting some of it out.

I know a lot of people don't believe in blogging and think it's dumb, but that is your opinion. For those of us that do blog, we enjoy it. Maybe you should try if you don't have one.


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After much thought

I have decided that I am going to continue blogging here. Because after all, this is where I started and it is MY BLOG! I shouldn't let a nosey sister in law (who claims I'M the nosey one) and a ridiculous egg donor keep me from posting what I want! (whose got the quicker finger of the two to tell each other I am talking about you.)

A few things have recently happened in life that prove life really is unscripted and it's all in hat you make of it. Sadly, we have to deal with stupid people (like those mentioned above) and have them get in our way. But that only makes us a stronger person right?

So, here I am again to take up some space on the Internet. Hope you followers are still reading. :)